‘Are you ever too tired for sex?’ I asked Lad Boy as we sat in the garden of a pub drinking cider and eating crisps.
‘Oh yeah, all the time.’
‘Really?’
‘Yeah.’
‘I want to have sex all the time.’ I said, thinking out loud.
‘If I’m really tired it just won’t happen. Certain physiological factors go into having sex.’
‘Ah, right.’ I said. ‘So it’s only if you’re tired that you don’t want to have sex?’
He thought for a second, looking up towards the sky and squinting through his Ray Bans. ‘Yeah that’s usually the only reason.’
‘Well I think-’
‘Or if I’m hungry!’ he interrupted. ‘That’s a mood killer.’
‘You could eat during?’ I offered.
‘Nah, just have a cheeky sandwich and then you’re good to go.’
‘What if it makes you fart?’
‘Then I fart.’
‘Eww, if we were in bed together and you farted I would leave.’
‘You WISH you could get me into bed!’ he teased.
‘Am I that transparent?’
‘I see through you like I see through this pint,’ he said holding it in front of his face.
‘Right, then what am I thinking about right now?’
‘Sex with me.’
I gasped, feigning shock. ‘That’s amazing! You never told me you’re a psychic.’
‘Nah, that’s what all girls are thinking about when they’re with me.’
‘Of course.’ I agreed.
‘Don’t worry, maybe someday I’ll be lonely and desperate enough to sleep with you.’
‘One can only hope. Cheers for that.’
‘Anytime love. Here’s to backup plans,’ he said raising his glass.
‘Ching ching!’
My conversation with Lad Boy made me think about the idea of backups. There’s always one or two fallback plans stored away in my iPhone for a rainy day. How long should you keep a backup? Do they expire? Or is it more of a once in awhile pleasant surprise kind of thing? I’ve been struggling recently with certain backups who I receive the occasional text from. Mainly because I receive these texts on a weekly basis. The iPhone conveniently displays the message on your screen as soon as it is received, and I’m fairly confident that Grey would be unimpressed with some of the ones that have been popping up during the wee hours of the night.
Rower Blue:
1:45 am ‘Where are you? Come meet me.’
2:37 am ‘So you’re not coming out then? Fine! Whatever! You’re missing out.’
Shag Buddy: 12:40 pm ‘How did the exams go miss? We need to get together and catch up very soon xxx’
And, my personal favourite, Dr. Boy: 3:13 am ‘Sex?’
All of which went unanswered. I called Dr. Boy the next day to tell him he should go and delete the last text in the sent folder of his mobile.
‘What you talkin ‘bout?’
‘Just check your phone you muppet.’
He did and immediately texted me back. ‘Shit! Sorry … was well pissed last night.’
‘Whatever, just delete it. See you for football later?’ World cupping had led to a lot of drunken nights for the boys, so certain inappropriate texts were to be expected. Win, lose or draw, football seems to get them in the mood.
Is ignoring such propositions equivalent to outright rejecting them? Not that I expect to be needing to tap into my resource of backups anytime soon, but would it be inappropriate not to tell them I’m in a relationship? It’s not as if I’m married. Or as if I’m leading anybody on really. Though you can’t help but wonder, at what point will you get rid of your backups?
My backups get a bit tricky seeing as I am friends with a fair amount of them and run into them frequently. I’m not about to start completely blanking them in public. However, I am currently resistant to answering any texts sent after midnight.
‘Oh yeah, all the time.’
‘Really?’
‘Yeah.’
‘I want to have sex all the time.’ I said, thinking out loud.
‘If I’m really tired it just won’t happen. Certain physiological factors go into having sex.’
‘Ah, right.’ I said. ‘So it’s only if you’re tired that you don’t want to have sex?’
He thought for a second, looking up towards the sky and squinting through his Ray Bans. ‘Yeah that’s usually the only reason.’
‘Well I think-’
‘Or if I’m hungry!’ he interrupted. ‘That’s a mood killer.’
‘You could eat during?’ I offered.
‘Nah, just have a cheeky sandwich and then you’re good to go.’
‘What if it makes you fart?’
‘Then I fart.’
‘Eww, if we were in bed together and you farted I would leave.’
‘You WISH you could get me into bed!’ he teased.
‘Am I that transparent?’
‘I see through you like I see through this pint,’ he said holding it in front of his face.
‘Right, then what am I thinking about right now?’
‘Sex with me.’
I gasped, feigning shock. ‘That’s amazing! You never told me you’re a psychic.’
‘Nah, that’s what all girls are thinking about when they’re with me.’
‘Of course.’ I agreed.
‘Don’t worry, maybe someday I’ll be lonely and desperate enough to sleep with you.’
‘One can only hope. Cheers for that.’
‘Anytime love. Here’s to backup plans,’ he said raising his glass.
‘Ching ching!’
My conversation with Lad Boy made me think about the idea of backups. There’s always one or two fallback plans stored away in my iPhone for a rainy day. How long should you keep a backup? Do they expire? Or is it more of a once in awhile pleasant surprise kind of thing? I’ve been struggling recently with certain backups who I receive the occasional text from. Mainly because I receive these texts on a weekly basis. The iPhone conveniently displays the message on your screen as soon as it is received, and I’m fairly confident that Grey would be unimpressed with some of the ones that have been popping up during the wee hours of the night.
Rower Blue:
1:45 am ‘Where are you? Come meet me.’
2:37 am ‘So you’re not coming out then? Fine! Whatever! You’re missing out.’
Shag Buddy: 12:40 pm ‘How did the exams go miss? We need to get together and catch up very soon xxx’
And, my personal favourite, Dr. Boy: 3:13 am ‘Sex?’
All of which went unanswered. I called Dr. Boy the next day to tell him he should go and delete the last text in the sent folder of his mobile.
‘What you talkin ‘bout?’
‘Just check your phone you muppet.’
He did and immediately texted me back. ‘Shit! Sorry … was well pissed last night.’
‘Whatever, just delete it. See you for football later?’ World cupping had led to a lot of drunken nights for the boys, so certain inappropriate texts were to be expected. Win, lose or draw, football seems to get them in the mood.
Is ignoring such propositions equivalent to outright rejecting them? Not that I expect to be needing to tap into my resource of backups anytime soon, but would it be inappropriate not to tell them I’m in a relationship? It’s not as if I’m married. Or as if I’m leading anybody on really. Though you can’t help but wonder, at what point will you get rid of your backups?
My backups get a bit tricky seeing as I am friends with a fair amount of them and run into them frequently. I’m not about to start completely blanking them in public. However, I am currently resistant to answering any texts sent after midnight.
No comments:
Post a Comment